"Ideal Married Life"

Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.3.17
September 22, 1972, Los Angeles



Srila A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada


Pradyumna: (leads chanting, etc.)

dhanvantaram dvadasamam
trayodasamam eva ca
apayayat suran anyan
mohinya mohayan striya

Translation: "In the twelfth incarnation, the Lord appeared as Dhanvantari, and in the thirteenth He allured the atheists by the charming beauty of a woman and gave nectar to the demigods to drink."

Prabhupada: This is very interesting verse. (laughs) (laughter) To have very charming wife is not very good. And in your country you have got all charming wife. Canakya Pandita says that there are four kinds of enemies in family life. These are very experienced version. He says, mata satru. In family means we live with father, mother, wife, children. This is family. In your country family does not mean father-mother, only wife and children. But in our country, according to Vedic civilization, family is a large conception. Father, mother, brother, sister, sister's son, brother's son. If there are difficulty, one has to su... So on the whole, father, mother, wife and children, consisting of, family.

Now Canakya Pandita says, "In the family there are enemies." How? Rna-karta pita satruh. Canakya Pandita said, "A father who is a great debtor, he is enemy." Because the son inherits the money of the father, similarly, the law is that if the father dies a debtor, the son becomes responsible to pay the debts. That is the law, Manu-samhita. I do not know what is the law here. I don't think the son is responsible for paying the debts of father, but in India that is the law. One big barrister, Mr. C. R. Das, his father died insolvent, making debts. So when he became very rich, he called all the creditors and paid five to five, that "My father was debtor. You take this money." That is obligation. Therefore Canakya Pandita says, "The father who dies a debtor, he is an enemy." Rna-karta pita satruh. Rna means debts. Karta means one who has committed so many debts and dies. A father... Instead of enjoying father's property, he has to pay the father's debts. So therefore that father is called enemy. Rna-karta pita satrur mata satrur vyabhicarini. "And mother, if she marries for the second time, she is enemy." Rna-karta pita satrur mata satrur vyabhicarini, rupavati bharyah satruh. "And very beautiful wife, she is enemy." And putrah satrur apanditah. "And if the son is a fool, rascal, he is enemy." Four kinds of enemy in the family.

So I think I have spoken about my own life. You know that I was a married man. So after being married, I did not like my wife. (laughter) Somehow or other, I did not like. I must say she is very faithful, very everything... Everyone praised. But I did not like, somehow or other. So I was preparing for next marriage. Next marriage. Because in India, at that time it was allowed, a man can marry more than one wife. Now the law is there. So my father, he was a saintly person. So he called me one day and said, "My dear boy, you are trying to marry again. I request you don't do that. You do not like your wife. That is a great fortune for you." (laughter) So I gave up that idea of marrying. Yes. So now I am realizing my father's blessing, yes, that if I would have been too much attached to my wife, then I could not have come to this position. That's a fact. So by ethical point of view, from spiritual point of view, to become too much attached to wife is an impediment for spiritual advancement.

Therefore it is said that anyan, apayayat suran anyan mohinya mohayan striya. Those who are sura, demigods, they were given the nectar, and others... Others means opposite number of suran, or asuran, the atheist or the demons. They were enchanted by the beautiful form of Mohini. Krsna's another incarnation is female, Mohini, charming -- so much charming that even Lord Siva was after the girl. Lord Siva, he is supposed to be dhira, but he became charmed, and he was after that girl. So when Krsna... Krsna is already beautiful, but when He takes the shape of a woman, how beautiful He became, we can just imagine. Woman are naturally beautiful. They are called "fair sex." So mohinya. So this Mohini, this attractive feature of woman, is advantage and disadvantage also. It requires simply handling. Then it is advantage. When Caitanya Mahaprabhu played this play, Mohini role... Caitanya Mahaprabhu was playing drama. So Caitanya Mahaprabhu was very beautiful. He took the part of this Mohini-murti. And she was dancing with the pot of nectar. So all the devotees, they offered their obeisances, because Mohini-murti means God's incarnation. So "My dear Lord, Your this murti, this form, this charming form, is somewhere raksasi." Raksasi means, what is called, witches? Or the female demon. "And somewhere You are goddess of fortune."

So the wife... Never mind. Generally, beautiful wife means everyone's wife is beautiful. Unless one sees his wife beautiful, he cannot become a householder. You see? I think I did not see my wife beautiful. Therefore I had to take sannyasa. (laughter) But generally, every one sees his wife beautiful. There was a great poet in Bengal, Bankima Candra. He used to say that everyone has got right to say his wife beautiful. That means the wife may be beautiful or not beautiful to others' eye, but the husband's eyes it must be beautiful. Otherwise there cannot be husband. So the fact is that our householder life is not a platform of being attracted by woman or by wife. No. Wife is not accepted for sex satisfaction, being attracted by her. No. Therefore wife is called dharma-patni. Dharma-patni. Dharma-patni means a religious wife, or husband and wife should execute religious life, spiritual cultivation. That is the purpose of becoming householder. Grhastha-asrama. Not that I become attracted by wife and I become absorbed in simply sex relation and forget my real duty, Krsna consciousness. That is dangerous. So generally, if one's wife becomes very beautiful, he forgets his real duty, Krsna consciousness, and he simply becomes a pet servant of the wife. That is the... Therefore Rupa Gosvami says, anasaktasya visayan yatharham upayunjatah. One should not be attracted for sex life. Yatharham upayunjatah. But does it mean that husband will not have sex. No. Yatharham. As it is required. As it required means sex life with wife should be performed only for begetting a Krsna conscious child. Nothing more. No more attraction. That life is better. That life means not only better. That is the ideal life. Wife and husband, combination, both should make progress in Krsna consciousness.

Woman, they are generally equipped with the qualities of passion and ignorance. And men also may be, but man can be elevated to the platform of goodness. Woman cannot be. Woman cannot be. Therefore if the husband is nice and the woman follows, woman becomes faithful and chaste to the husband, then their both life becomes successful. There are three qualities of nature: sattva, rajas, tamas. So rajas, tamas generally, that is the quality of woman. And man can become to the platform of goodness. Therefore initiation, brahminical symbolic representation is given to the man, not to the woman. This is the theory. Therefore the combination should be that the husband should be first-class devotee, Krsna conscious, and woman should be, woman should be devoted to the husband, faithful, so that she would help the husband to make progress in Krsna consciousness. Then their both life is successful. Otherwise, if the husband simply becomes captivated by the charming beauty of woman and engages himself in the sex life, then his life is lost, and the woman, they are less intelligent, unless they are guided by proper husband, her life is also lost. So those who are not demigods... Here it is said, apayayat suran. Sura-asura. Sura, those who are not developed to Krsna consciousness, they are asura. So every husband should be a sura. Sura means devotee. And every woman should be religious. Religious means to become chaste, faithful to the husband. And the husband should become a devotee. Then both of them will make progress in Krsna consciousness and that is the perfection of life.

So here it is very clearly described that anyan mohinya. Mohini, mohinya striya, by the formation. So we should not be attracted. But generally, people are attracted. The whole world, the material world is going on that the woman is attractive for man and the man is attractive for woman. Pumsah striya mithuni-bhavam etam. This is the general platform of attraction between man and woman. And when they are united by such attraction, then they become more materially knotted. And then they are after...

pumsah striya mithuni-bhavam etam
tayor mitho hrdaya-granthim ahuh
ato grha-ksetra-sutapta-vittair
janasya moho 'yam aham mameti
[SB 5.5.8]

Our material bondage is due to an illusion. What is that illusion? That "I am this body." Dehatma-buddhi. "I am this body, and anything which is required for this body or which I possess for the comfort of this body, that is mine." Both of them are illusion, because I am not this body; I am soul, aham brahmasmi. But the illusion is everyone is thinking, "I am this body." "I am Indian," "I am American," "I am white," "I am black," "I am brahmana," "I am sudra," "I am this," "I am that." So this is illusion. Therefore the Vedic system is, to save one from this illusion, the first stage of life is brahmacari, to understand the value of life and strictly without any association with woman. That is called brahmacari. Strictly.

So the whole Vedic system is to convince one that "You are not this body, and anything you possess in relationship with your body, they are all illusion. You are spirit soul, part and parcel of God, Krsna. Therefore your duty is some way or other, come out of this entanglement of the bodily concept of life and bodily possession. Come out. Be free. Brahma-bhuta. Now your position is jiva-bhuta." Jiva-bhuta means you are thinking that ‘I am a product of this material world.' All scientists, all philosophers, they are the same concept, that "I am this body. Beyond this body there is nothing." All big, big professors, scientists, that "After this body is finished, everything is finished." But actually, that is not a fact. From Bhagavad-gita you understand that na jayate na mriyate. The spirit soul is never born, never dies. It is the body, material body, that takes birth and dies. But spirit soul remains. Dehantara-praptih. Tatha dehantara-praptih. He transmigrates to another body, just like we are transmigrating from one body to another. There are so many children here. Now they are doing so many things foolish, but we enjoy because we know that this body is foolish body. Nobody grudges if a child does something which not to be done. Just like most children, they are chewing their thumb, but if you do that, that cannot be allowed. Because your body is different, and his body is different.

So these rascals, they do not understand the simple truth, that this body is different from my..., from the body of a youth or boy. They are different bodies. They are thinking the body is growing. The body's not growing. Body is changing. Just like in cinema, photograph, you see some body is moving, but that is not moving. That is different body changing, the photographs. But because it is shown so swiftly, we see that one body. As soon as the machine is stopped, the body is stopped. Immediately. We have experience. So these bodies are different bodies. Otherwise, a child does so many things foolishly and the elderly boy or a youth, he does not do so. Because the body is different. Why do they not understand? This is called ignorance. The body is different. Similarly, as everyone has got past, present and future... You are all young men. You had your past. You had a child's body or boy's body. In future you will get a body like me, aged. Similarly, I had my past. I was, I had a youth's body. Now I have got aged body. Then why not future, another body? This is very common conclusion. And it is given, it is confirmed. Not that we are imagining. It is confirmed in the Bhagavad-gita. Tatha dehantara-praptih. As the child is changing body to boyhood, boy is changing body to youthhood -- dehino 'smin yatha dehe kaumaram yauvanam jara [Bg. 2.13] -- and the youth is changing body to old age body, similarly, the old also will change the body, again will get a small baby's body and again, again. That is the way of nature.

So every one of us, spirit soul, part and parcel of God. Now we are embarrassed due to our ignorance. So when this ignorance is moved, we become enlightened, that is called brahma-bhuta, self-realization, spiritual realization.

brahma-bhutah prasannatma
na socati na kanksati
samah sarvesu bhutesu
mad-bhaktim labhate param
[Bg. 18.54]

So without being brahma-bhuta, that "I am spirit soul," Krsna consciousness does not become very perfect. If we are in the bodily concept of life, then it is rather difficult. It will take time. Because unless you come to the platform to understand that you are not this body, you are spirit soul, the actual devotional service does not begin. But to the neophyte student, the chance is given to develop this devotional service: sravanam kirtanam smaranam arcanam vandanam dasyam. The method is by constantly being engaged in devotional service, one becomes realized soul. God helps him, Krsna helps him. Then he becomes a perfect, liberated soul.

Liberated soul means hitva anyatha-rupam. Now we are working under the designation of this body. Everyone is working under this designation of this body. When we become above the designation of the body, that is our real, constitutional position. So first of all, to realize that "I am not this body," and the next stage is that "I am spirit soul, part and parcel of Krsna. Therefore as part and parcel is meant for giving service to the whole, therefore my constitutional position is to serve Krsna." That is perfection of life.

Thank you very much. (end)

>>> Ref. VedaBase => Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.3.17 -- Los Angeles, September 22, 1972