Prabhupada: One has to accept the
renounced order from another person who is in renounced order. So I never
thought that I shall accept this renounced order of life. In my family life,
when I was in the midst of my wife and children, sometimes I was dreaming my
spiritual master, that he's calling me, and I was following him. When my dream
was over, I was thinking. I was little horrified. "Oh, Guru Maharaja wants me to
become sannyasi. How can I accept sannyasa?" At that time, I was feeling not
very satisfaction that I have to give up my family and have to become a
mendicant. At that time, it was a horrible feeling. Sometimes I was thinking,
"No, I cannot take sannyasa." But again I saw the same dream. So in this way I
was fortunate. My Guru Maharaja (Prabhupada begins to cry, choked voice) pulled
me out from this material life. I have not lost anything. He was so kind upon
me. I have gained. I left three children, I have got now three hundred children.
So I am not loser. This is material conception. We think that we shall be loser
by accepting Krsna. Nobody is loser. I say from my practical experience. I was
thinking that "How can I accept this renounced order of life? I cannot accept so
much trouble." So... But I retired from my family life. I was sitting alone in
Vrndavana, writing books. So this, my Godbrother, he insisted me, "Bhaktivedanta
prabhu..." This title was given in my family life. It was offered to me by the
Vaisnava society. So he insisted me. Not he insisted me. Practically my
spiritual master insisted me through him, that "You accept." Because without
accepting the renounced order of life, nobody can become a preacher. So he
wanted me to become a preacher. So he forced me through this Godbrother, "You
accept." So unwillingly I accepted. And then I remembered that he wanted me to
go to the Western country. So I am feeling now very much obliged to my, this
Godbrother, that he carried out the wish of my spiritual master and enforced me
to accept this sannyasa order.
So this Godbrother, His Holiness
Kesava Maharaja, is no more. He has entered Krsna's abode. So I wish to pass a
resolution of bereavement and send them. So... And I have composed one verse
also in this connection in Sanskrit. So you all present, you sign this. I shall
send it tomorrow. The verse I have composed, it is in Sanskrit.
Vairagya-vidya-nija-bhakti-yogam [Cc. Madhya 6.254]. This Krsna consciousness is
vairagya-vidya. Vairagya-vidya means to become detestful to this material world.
That is called vairagya-vidya. And that is possible simply by this bhakti-yoga.
Vairagya-vidya-nija-bhakti-yogam apayayan mam. So this... Just like medicine.
The child is afraid of taking medicine. That also I have experienced. In my
childhood, when I became ill, I was very stubborn. I won't accept any medicine.
So my mother used to force medicine within my mouth with a spoon. I was so
obstinate. So anyway, similarly, I did not want to accept this sannyasa order,
but this Godbrother forced me. "You must." Apayayan mam, he forcefully made me
to drink this medicine. Anabhipsu andham. Why I was unwilling? Anabhipsu means
unwilling. Andham, andham means one who is blind, who cannot see his future. The
spiritual life is the brightest future, but the materialists cannot see to it.
You see? But the Vaisnavas, the spiritual master, they forcefully, "You drink
this medicine." You see. Apayayan mam anabhipsu andham
sri-kesava-bhakti-prajnana-nama. So this my Godbrother, his name is Kesava,
Bhaktiprajnana Kesava. Krpambudhi. So he did this favor upon me because he was
ocean of mercy. So we offer our obeisances to Vaisnava, krpambudhi.
Vancha-kalpa-tarubhyas ca krpa-sindhubhya eva ca. The Vaisnavas, the
representatives of the Lord, they are so kind. They bring the ocean of mercy for
distributing to the suffering humanity. Krpambudhir yas tam aham prapadye [Cc.
Madhya 6.254]. So I am offering my respectful obeisances unto this His Holiness,
because he forcefully made me adopt this sannyasa order. So he is no more in
this world. He has entered Krsna's abode. So I am offering my respectful
obeisances along with my disciples. On the first day of my sannyasa, I never
thought, but I remembered that I'll have to speak in English. So I remember on
that sannyasa day, when there was a reception, so I, first of all, I spoke in
English. So it is all arrangement of Krsna, higher authority. We are writing
like this, "Resolved that we the undersigned members and devotees of
International Society for Krishna Consciousness Incorporated, in a condolence
meeting under the presidency of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami, today
the 21st of October, 1968, at our Seattle branch, express our profound
bereavement on hearing the passing of His Divine Grace Om Visnupada Sri Srimad
Bhaktiprajnana Kesava Gosvami Maharaja, the sannyasa guru, preceptor of our
spiritual master, and on October 6th, 1968, at his headquarter residence in
Nabadwip, West Bengal. We offer our respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of
Sri Srimad B. P. Kesava Gosvami Maharaja with the following verse composed on
this occasion by our spiritual master." This verse I have already explained to
you. So I wish that you all sign this and I'll send it tomorrow by air mail.
Have you got pencil?
Govinda dasi: Yes. (sound of
Prabhupada signing) (end)
>>> Ref. VedaBase => His
Divine Grace Bhaktiprajnana Kesava Maharaja's Disappearance Day Lecture,
(Srila Prabhupada's Sannyasa Guru) -- Seattle, October 21,
1968
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